I experienced the pain
this week
of having someone –
a friend –
be disappointed in me.
She wanted me to give
when I felt I was spent,
and I wanted to please
more than I wanted to
pray.
And so to avoid
disappointing her,
I offered half measures
and caused pain to
both of us.
I cannot do what she wants
in full,
and I cannot do what I offered
by half.
And so God removes another layer of skin
and shows me a little
of myself underneath.
Underneath what flows
is unlovely,
and the pulling of
flesh from flesh
is severe,
and I want to be rid of them –
both the flesh and the pulling.
So I ask Him
again
to help smooth feathers
I ruffled,
because I wanted to be the
Rescuer, the Reliable, the Provider,
when only He can be.
And I cry to my Father
for wisdom I don’t have,
to mend the bridges
I damaged,
and to know how,
oh, how,
to love like Christ.
To know that I am
limited,
feeble
and unwise,
but He is not.
And my dependence
and hers,
must always be
on Him.
