Proverbs 27:6 tells us, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend”. At first glance, this appears to be a strange statement – a juxtaposition. So, what is meant by this proverb, penned by King Solomon, a man known for his God-given wisdom? And how is this relevant in our daily lives as Christians?
The word faithful conjures up positive connotations such as loyalty and steadfastness, yet wounds are naturally associated with hurt and pain. However, in some cases, wounds can indeed be for our benefit, and this is the idea we have here in the phrase “faithful wounds”. For example, I bear a sizeable scar due to the delivery of my son by caesarean section. The surgeon did not inflict that wound to cause me harm, but to ensure the positive outcome of a healthy mother and baby. That wound is a constant reminder of the goodness of God in giving me my son. Although it caused pain and discomfort at the time, it was ultimately for my good. The same principle can be applied to the idea of “faithful wounds” within a friendship.
When thinking about this proverb, my heart has been challenged in two ways. Within any friendship we have two roles to play: sometimes we must be the ones “inflicting” the “faithful wounds”, and at other times we must be the recipients of them. In both roles there are challenges to be faced.
True friendship features honesty and trustworthiness. It is easy to go along with those we love, affirming what they say and how they act, just to make them feel good. This means we may be encouraging poor choices or wrongly soothing a troubled conscience. The true challenge comes when we disagree with the actions or choices of a friend and feel burdened to intervene. There are two ways we can often fail in such a situation. The first is that we give in to fear; we may feel burdened to speak a challenging word to a friend but lack the courage to deliver it. The second is that we are willing to speak the truth, but we deliver it in a way that is thoughtless, harsh and discouraging.
The challenge from Scripture is to speak the truth yet speak it in love (Ephesians 4:15). The Bible speaks about the sweetness of friendship coming from “earnest counsel” (Proverbs 27:9 ESV). Our counsel should be sincere and heartfelt. It should be shared in a way that builds up and encourages (1 Thessalonians 5:11) yet is clear and truthful. It can be helpful to consider how your challenge might be received by imagining how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot! Luke exhorts us to do to others what we would wish to have done to us (Luke 6:31).
In practice, any “faithful wounds” we are convicted to “inflict” should have a scriptural basis. This is not about personal preference or opinion but about supporting and encouraging our friends to grow in their faith and Christian living. It is a way to “stir up one another to love and good works” as we are exhorted to do (Hebrews 10:24 ESV). As with all aspects of our daily lives, our interactions should be steeped in prayer (Ephesians 6:18). We can pray for the Lord’s help and wisdom in delivering our words while also praying for the spiritual growth of our friends.
And what about being on the receiving end? Receiving criticism, even when it is constructive, is never easy, whether in a work context or in our personal lives. However, as believers, there are times when we are required to accept correction and rebuke from others, and in doing so, we are called to act with grace and humility. Hebrews teaches us that all discipline is painful at the time, but the long-term outcome is righteousness for those who are willing to accept it (Hebrews 12:11). Although the wounds of a friend may be painful, they are not intended to be harmful. Rather, they are intended for our good – something we must keep in mind when a friend rebukes us. It is unlikely to be a conversation that the friend relishes, yet they are showing genuine love through their truthfulness.
The challenge is to be humble, to count our friend as more significant than ourselves in our response (Philippians 2:3), rather than reacting in pride. There may be times where we disagree with a friend’s challenge or feel that their comments are unjustified. Even in these circumstances, it is important to be thankful for the real and honest friendship – to bear “with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2) and be willing to forgive a friend when we don’t agree (Colossians 3:13). In all our responses we should model the love and forgiveness of the Lord Jesus who loves us unconditionally and forgives us freely (Romans 5:8).
This little phrase has provided us with lots of challenges in relation to real and true Christian friendships. Do we love our friends enough to provide them with “faithful wounds” when it is necessary? And when the tables are turned, do we respond to the honesty of a friend in humility and thankfulness? The real value in friendship comes from speaking the truth in love and receiving correction with humility.
