God established order in creation. Adam was created first, and then Eve.
The creation of Eve brought fullness and completion to Adam. God gave Eve unique characteristics that made her a perfect complement for Adam, not just physically, but also intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
1 Corinthians 11:9 reminds us that “man [was not] created for the woman, but woman for the man”. This does not mean that the woman was intended to be the man’s slave – to be used or abused! The Bible condemns every form of abuse and mistreatment of women (Leviticus 25:17,43; Zechariah 7:10; Ephesians 5:25-28; Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7).
As we read further in 1 Corinthians 11, we find that “neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God” (vv.11,12).
There is an equality between man and woman. Both are dependent on God for life and are subject to Him. God places equal value on both man and woman, yet they are not the same. He has designed them differently; they have different roles to fulfil.
Adam was given the role of leadership and responsibility; he was entrusted to love and care for Eve and he would be held accountable for his decisions.
Eve was given to Adam as his helper.
“And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper . . . ’” (Genesis 2:18).
But what exactly does this word “helper” mean?
In today’s society we might think of a helper as someone inferior – like a child helping an adult with a task, performing simple duties that require little skill or intelligence. But this is far removed from what is meant in the Bible.
The Hebrew word used is “ezer” (Genesis 2:18,20). Astonishingly, this same word is also used to describe God as our helper!
“My father’s God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharaoh” (Exodus 18:4 NIV).
“Blessed are you, Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the LORD? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword” (Deuteronomy 33:29 NIV).
“May He send you help from the sanctuary; and strengthen you out of Zion” (Psalm 20:2).
Elsewhere in the Old Testament where the word “ezer” appears, it is often in the context of war, when one nation comes to the aid of another. It is never that of an inferior helping a superior, but rather of an equal – or even a superior – coming to assist. It is “assistance rendered at a point of real need, whether by God or by a fellow human being. It emphasizes effective strength supplied from outside oneself.”[1]
As God looked at Adam, He saw that he was not sufficient on his own. He needed someone to help him, to strengthen and enable him. Eve was given as a help to him, and together they could fully live out all God had purposed for them. This was not a demeaning position, but rather, a vital role to step into!
As women today, whether married or single, we can endeavour to strengthen and encourage the men in our lives. However, within marriage, there is a unique opportunity for a woman to walk alongside her husband as a true helper.
Often our desire to help our husbands is linked to training, correcting, and improving them. We notice the flaws all too clearly and believe we should fix them, while often ignoring our own flaws. Or we take on the weight of our husbands’ responsibilities as our own, nudging and reminding them of everything we think they should be doing.
Recently, I have been convicted that this is not the kind of help and service that God primarily desires us to engage in. For one thing, it is not possible for us to affect change in another person. True change must come from the individual and from the Lord working in them.
Nor is it our responsibility to ensure our husbands are doing their duties correctly and fulfilling all their responsibilities. That is between them and God. We must give our husbands space to seek the Lord’s help and guidance regarding what He requires them to do. (If there is an issue of serious sin, abuse or addiction, we should seek appropriate help and guidance).
Rather, I have been thinking about this idea of being a helper in terms of “supplying strength”.
My husband was a civil engineer for a number of years and I learned a tiny bit about reinforced concrete: concrete with steel embedded in it. Concrete has great strength on its own and can resist heavy crushing forces, yet it is prone to cracking under any stretching or bending. When steel is embedded into the wet concrete before it hardens, it adds the strength needed to tolerate any pulling and stretching forces. Each material has its own distinct properties and strengths, but, when bonded together, their strength is increased, enabling them to withstand powerful storms and high winds.
In our analogy, the steel does not seek to change the concrete. It allows the concrete to be concrete, while coming alongside it to provide additional strength that helps it stand firm amid the forces that pull against it.
God’s wonderful design for marriage is for the husband leading, bearing the responsibility and ensuring the wellbeing of his wife – and for the wife seeking to support her husband, yielding to him, strengthening him, and enabling him to stand firm and live out what God has called him to be.
One idea of strengthening is building up. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (ESV) says, “encourage one another and build one another up.” To encourage means to give someone support, courage or hope.[2]
Are we doing that for our husbands? Do we come alongside them with encouraging words that support them? Do our words instil even a spark of courage, enabling them to move forward with hopeful confidence?
A wife has a unique position. Words can be so powerful. The words of a wife to her husband often carry more weight than those of any other.
They have the power to build up or tear down. Do our words express our belief in our husband or communicate doubt? Do we verbalise our appreciation, or do we take him for granted? A simple word of appreciation can mean so much, yet we often withhold it. “Freely you have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8).
Another thing that gives strength to a husband is knowing that his wife trusts him. As we manage the home, and guide our children, we may subconsciously begin to micromanage and direct our husband as well. Perhaps we think we are helping him through our instruction and advice.
However, if we want to strengthen our husband’s heart, we need to let him know that we trust him. Showing trust in our husband is one of the greatest ways to build him up, but it is closely linked with releasing control – allowing our husband to handle things alone, in his own way, and giving less advice!
There will, of course, be times when we speak into situations and share our perspective on decisions, and times when it is essential to challenge and confront behaviour. (If someone is at risk of harm or there is an issue with safety, it is our responsibility to step in).
But what is the general tenor of our interactions? Do our husbands feel respected and trusted, or dismissed and doubted? When our husbands know that we trust them, this will generally increase their trust in us and therefore a mutual trust is built up.
Consider the words of Proverbs 31:11,12 (NASB), “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
A trust is built up in her husband’s heart: he trusts his wife; he knows he is safe with her; he can confide in her; he can bring his deepest thoughts, fears and desires to her without fear of them being trampled underfoot – their hearts are being knit together.
And, “She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
Is that our goal – to do him good?
Does he know that we are for him?
Do we speak kindly to him, or do strangers receive a warmer greeting?
Do we look for ways to bless him and help him?
A phenomenal shift happens when a husband begins to see that his wife loves him, trusts him, wants to encourage him and is for him. If a wife focuses on being a support to her husband and breathing strength into him, she will know the joy that comes from doing what she was created to do.
Both man and woman are responsible to God to fulfil the role God has given them.
The man is to lead, love and protect his wife (Ephesians 5:23,25,28,29).
The woman is to help and support her husband, yielding to his leading (Ephesians 5:22-24).
This is God’s order, and as men and women created by His hand, we will know the greatest fulfilment when we humbly accept God’s design for us and lean into living it.
[1] https://biblehub.com/hebrew/5828.htm. Accessed May 2026
[2] https://www.OxfordLearnersDictionaries.com
