There is a line in a psalm
that occasionally I feel acutely:
“When my heart is overwhelmed”,[1]
and I feel it now.
I know the joys of a loving Father,
my soul saved, my eternity settled,
my home warm, my family loving,
and yet my heart is
inexplicably
heavy.
The lining of my soul is sewn
shut and so the Sword is needed
to loosen the knots and make room
for the heart to spill out.
And the burden pours into rivers
that channel their way to the surface of my mind:
neglect of the Bible,
stiff knees to prayer,
busying “satisfaction” in useless distractions,
a heightened sensitivity to criticism,
a resistance against those who would call me to do right.
These rivers flooded the peace from my soul and polluted the living waters
through selfish wants,
a neglect of duty,
a displeasure at my God-given role,
and a statue erected to self.
When my heart is faint
I cry to the God who redeems the broken,
who won’t crush the
broken reed
of my feebleness
or extinguish the
smoking flax
of remembered hope.[2]
And so I confess reality to
waiting ears
and fall into
waiting arms.
And He enables the stiff knees to kneel
and the self-justifying thoughts to crumble,
and here
on the Rock,
amidst the same surroundings, home, role, life,
I find shelter, security, a burden lifted, a gracious peace.
[1] Psalm 61:2
[2] Isaiah 42:3
