Conflict
She hurt me;
withdrew when
I reached,
said hard words to
my soft,
frowned when
I smiled.
And so I nurse
and coddle
and sift
the moments through
my mind.
And lick the wounds she
left behind.
And the bitter taste grows.
And even though time has passed
my stomach knots at
her presence,
My ears listening for words
expected
that will cut again.
I view her life through a
broken lens
of criticism
and mistrust.
The rift grows,
the bitter root sucking
my life dry.
Truth
In a moment,
reading my Bible,
listening to Him,
He speaks
words
just for me.
A piercing Light
cutting through,
dividing heart and soul,
exposing my
sword-thrusts
of judgement,
condemnation,
self-justification.
Reminding me of
my debt:
greater,
heavier,
filthier
than hers.
Reminding me of
the cost.
That while I was still
in debt,
He died;
While still an enemy,
opposed and
unrepentant,
He went.
Showing me the heavy load
He bore on the
cross
for me.
I ask myself:
what am I
willing to bear
for her?
The smog of self-pity
begins to clear.
I see the mountain
I need to climb
back to Him.
I have no rights
to kind words,
or fair treatment;
When I deserve
only death
and judgment,
every breath is grace.
Every moment
self-focused,
angry,
hurting,
grieves the One
who held out spotless hands
for soiled me.
And the mountain is
insurmountable
alone,
but He is with me.
Resolution
So I lay down
the use of my mind,
the heavy burden.
And pour out the acrid water
that has nourished the root
at the foot of the cross,
and drink from
Living Water
instead.
I see her as I am,
fallen,
broken,
being refined.
I see His patience
with my waywardness,
His kindness
to my rudeness,
His strength
in my weakness.
His wisdom
to my foolishness,
His example
to follow.
And so when I see her
I move
forwards
and not back.
And remind myself that
forgiveness
comes not through
destructive thoughts,
or waved banners
of self-righteousness,
but in sacrifice,
vulnerability
and brokenness.
In a cross taken up.
Remembering
my life,
redeemed,
made whole,
bought back
at great cost
to Him.
So I take His hand and
step forward,
bridging the rift between
her and me
with the cross.
