This didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. As I wiped the cold gel off my stomach and walked out of the ultrasound room it took all my strength, the little I had left, to hold back the flood of tears that threatened to spill down my face until I reached the car. Our baby no longer had a heartbeat.
The hope and excitement that had filled the last ten weeks of our lives had been snatched away. The emptiness that was left was quickly filled with doubt and grief.
- Why had this happened?
- Why me?
- Was it my fault?
But most importantly: Where was God?
“The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit”—(Psalm 34:18 ESV).
Bad Dream
In the days that followed, we felt like we were still existing in a bad dream. Only there was no waking up. Family and friends tried their best to comfort us.
To each text that I received, I would reply with the same words at the end: “God is still good”.
I said it. But did I really mean it?
Remembering Daniel’s Friends
The verses in Daniel chapter 3 had always been some of my favourites.
As Daniel’s friends faced the fiery furnace, they declared that, even if God did not rescue them, He was still worth trusting.
Throughout my life these verses had been a constant reminder that despite the trials, challenges and disappointments we may face, God is still good.
But until this point, I had never experienced a disappointment quite like it.
No emotion quite so raw, no grief so deep.
God’s Word
I turned to God’s Word for comfort. Not because I particularly wanted to but because it’s what I’d been taught to do.
As a Christian I knew that I was supposed to pray and read my Bible, in both the good times and the bad.
I knew that in times of need I had a God and Saviour who would hear my cries. But I felt so numb.
God had blessed me with a little life. And God had taken it away.
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved”—(Psalm 55:22 ESV).
The Road To Emmaus
It wasn’t until I was reading a familiar passage in Luke’s gospel that God reached out and spoke to me. I was reading about the couple on the road to Emmaus. They had travelled to Jerusalem, hoping to see the Lord Jesus. They anticipated that He was going to be the one to redeem Israel and yet instead they had watched Him being crucified.
As this couple walked along the road home, heads hanging, disappointed and disheartened, Luke says:
“Jesus Himself drew near and went with them”—(Luke 24:15).
Not Alone
As I read these beautiful words, comfort flooded my broken heart. I wasn’t alone in my disappointment.
Yes, my husband Jonny had been with me throughout it all, but here was the promise that Jesus too had drawn alongside us. He was with us in our heartache and our grief.
“There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”—(Proverbs 18:24)
The disappointment didn’t leave. But neither did the Lord. As I faced each day, I had a faithful companion who was with me every step of the way.
I don’t know how I could have survived those following weeks without the Lord Jesus as my Saviour. I had already trusted Him for eternal security, and I knew that I could trust Him to carry me through this trial.
Maybe you’re struggling with disappointment.
Maybe it seems like no one or nothing can ever make everything okay again.
The Lord Jesus wants to walk this journey with you. In fact, Paul describes Him as “the God of all comfort” in 2 Corinthians. He wants to carry your burdens. You will find Him to be the best source of comfort anyone could ever offer.
“Give your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you”—(1 Peter 5:7 NLT).
“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint”—(Isaiah 40:31).
