1. Marital Roles and Expectations:
In marriage God assigns specific roles and responsibilities for husbands and wives, particularly emphasising the need for husbands to understand their wives.
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7 ESV).
This mandate follows Christ’s example of selfless love and endurance through suffering (1 Peter 2:21-24). Christ’s perfect fulfilment of His role, entrusting Himself to God amidst suffering, serves as the ultimate model for husbands. Even when a wife is challenging, a husband should follow Christ’s example and continue to love and honour her. This principle of Christ-centred love is non-negotiable in marriage.
Practical aspects of married life, such as handling household chores and finances, are flexible and should be negotiated based on what works best for each couple. For instance, we decided that in our marriage Rhoda would cook all the meals, while I would handle the finances. This arrangement might differ for others, but that’s not unbiblical.
The key is to enjoy the journey together, adapting and retooling responsibilities as needed. By keeping Christ at the centre and cherishing the partnership, couples can navigate their shared life with gratitude and joy.
2. Communication:
As Christians, we need to understand that true communication stems from the heart (Luke 6:45). This is why seemingly minor issues can develop into intense arguments. For example, a couple with many children planned a rare evening out. The wife spent the day preparing and looked forward to impressing her husband. However, when he came home, instead of complimenting her, he questioned whether she would wear a coat and this led to a prolonged argument. The argument wasn't just about a coat; it reflected deeper desires and motivations.
We therefore need to ensure that all of our communication is centred around the Lord. There should be an emphasis on encouragement (1 Thessalonians 5:11) in everyday interactions. Often, in any relationships but especially in marriage, people only address problems and forget to express gratitude or encouragement in normal situations. For instance, acknowledging a spouse's consistent efforts in regular tasks such as cleaning or cooking fosters appreciation and gratitude.
Couples should learn to appreciate the everyday blessings in their marriage, recognising that marriage is a gift from God. It’s essential to be encouraging, affectionate, and kind. A good practice is to filter thoughts before speaking, just as Proverbs advises against automatically giving voice to every thought:
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (Proverbs 29:11 ESV).
By focusing on these principles, couples can build a stronger, more appreciative, and loving relationship.
3. Finance and Budgets:
When thinking about finances, the focus should not merely be on creating a balanced budget but on ensuring that the budget honours and pleases the Lord. Each line item should reflect a commitment to glorify Christ. The issue of greed is crucial;
“Someone in the crowd said to [Jesus], ‘Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.’ But he said to him, ‘Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?’ And he said to them, ‘Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.’ And he told them a parable, saying, ‘The land of a rich man produced plentifully, and he thought to himself, “What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?” And he said, “I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, ‘Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.’” But God said to him, “‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?” So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God’” (Luke 12:13-21 ESV).
Jesus warns to be vigilant against every form of greed. Young couples often face the temptation to hoard resources, believing happiness comes from accumulating more. However, true joy and happiness come from generosity and contentment, as God teaches. Generosity never harms but enriches one's life. The goal is to understand the biblical tension regarding finances, encouraging couples to rely on the Lord for guidance rather than following rigid, lifelong financial plans.
Instead of simply allocating percentages for various expenses, couples should regularly seek God's approval for their financial decisions. This ongoing dependence on God for budgeting reflects a broader principle of sanctification applicable to all aspects of life. By continuously asking, "Lord, are you honoured by this budget?", couples can ensure their financial practices align with God’s teaching for Christians, leading to a more blessed and dependent relationship with God.
These six principles are not a comprehensive exploration of marriage but will hopefully provide some basic guidelines. They may also be helpful for any couples who seek to privately minister the Word to those preparing for marriage, the ultimate aim being to equip couples with the tools they need for a God-honouring, Christ-centred relationship.
